Something to Feel
by xoxoLee
Summary: Whatever was happening, we didn't care. We didn't want to think. Stephanie just wanted to feel something, and I wanted to make her feel.' ShawnStephanie
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Notes:** I started this story in October 2005 and recently found it while looking browsing the net. I may continue writing it but I just thought I'd post it and see what you all thought

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She could be beautiful if she wanted to be. In her own special way she still is, but she's bitter and her beauty can only last for so long under these conditions. I admire her, as I'm sure many do, but it's easy to see she's headed for self-destruction. The blue fire in her eyes burns through anyone lucky enough to keep their eyes on her. Her tongue lashes out on anyone that isn't smart enough to keep his distance. She knows how to make people fear her, but it's not working on me. We all know who she is by name. We all know what she is by reputation. But we've all forgotten the way things were. Before she was broken she was loved by everyone. Her smile warmed up every arena she set foot in. Her eyes lit up anyone's dark day. She wasn't a woman then, but if had stayed on that path she would have been something more than what she is right now.

Her game face is still on, the line across her forehead deep, her nose scrunched with frustration. I haven't heard her say a word, but something isn't going the way she wants it to go. Everyone stepped aside when they saw her coming. No one offered her a cup of coffee. No one offered to fix her make-up. When a tornado is brewing people can sense it coming. Everyone knows that something is coming, and no one wants to be in the way of it. The tension disappears from her face. She looks helpless now, which is something I doubt she knows about. What would people think if they knew she had a heart? With slow steps toward her I turn my head to look behind me. Everyone has left her to be alone, except for me. Her eyes that were once on the ground suddenly hit me. There is no fear within me but for some reason I freeze all movement when I see her brush a blonde curl from in front of her eyes. "Shawn." She says simply and clears her throat. It's still scratchy, but I don't mind. It feels like hours are passing and no one is talking. I can't find the words that I once had. I can't find the air that I need to stay alive. I know she doesn't mind, because whatever air that I would have had would have been taken away from me as she pulled me against her. Whatever words that I could have said were taken away from me when our lips met. Whatever was happening, we didn't care. We didn't want to think. Stephanie just wanted to feel something, and I wanted to make her feel.


	2. Chapter 2

The rhythm of evenly placed steps from stiletto shoes brought my head up from it's depression. I wasn't in the best of moods but it wasn't the best of days for anyone. The joys of the road, most would attribute the slump to, but I placed the blame on her. One moment she was slipping out of my life with groans and sighs, and the next moment she was tapping back in like she was racing an invisible dancer. So unfazed by the night before and so much like the way she had been for much too long -- cold and distant like she had been made out of stone. "Stephanie," I said with a nod of my head, a polite acknowledgment of the woman coming toward me. But the rain of steps continued like she was a parade of herself, like no one was in her way.

It stung, I'll admit. I shook my head and at the same time shook off my wounds like it was another day at work, but I was rusty when it came to this. At least when it came to her. "Steph.." I said again, softly this time and reaching out to grab her arm. Gently I pulled her toward me and I think she let me. More taken aback than angry her stormy blue eyes reflected the sparks in my eyes. Her arms were held up almost defensively but as I slipped my arms around her waist her guard lowered and I could see that little girl I knew had actually grown up. She was in there.

"Shawn, don't. Not here..I have to go," Stephanie whispered though her body language told me that she had time to spare. I stared into her eyes and into her soul, and her breaths grew heavier and more desperating. "What happened before..was nothing."

I rose my eyebrows, silently but none too subtley offering my opinion.

"I'm being serious," she barked at me. "You and I..we're not in the same. We never were and we never will be. You're a nice guy when you're not being an ass, but I'm not. Trust me, I'm not. So get whatever silly fantasies you have out of your head. And if you're hoping for any more repeats of last night, get those out of there too. No matter how..enjoyable..things were for us I can't be whatever you want me to be."

And with all the strength she could muster, she tore away from my embrace. When I turned back to watch her, to see what she would do..if she would look back at me and say she was lying, all I saw was my sad obsession running away.


End file.
